Thursday, August 27, 2009
Fighting faces sometimes have tears
So, although I have been to the gym 3 out of 4 days this week and burned 500 calories each time - maintining my heartrate in the fatburn zone, I have GAINED 3 pounds! Can I say that again? I weighed myself this morning and literally cried. Now, I didn't sob but tears did fall. I am so frustrated and will see a personal trainer. My food portions are smaller than in the past AND I am exercising! What the deuce!?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My fighting face
I am not sure who I am fighting or what I am fighting but my feet and legs seem to be the only thing aching. I am quite ready to shed these 15 pounds and am quite determined to NOT deny myself the lovely and delicious things in life that I so enjoy. This means: exercise, exercise, exercise. I pounded my body at the gym on Sunday morning, Monday morning, and again today. All three times, I worked harder, sweat more, and was more physically worn than I have been thus far. I feel the endorphins kick in after 30 minutes and try not to watch the minutes count but focus more on the spent calorie count. My goal now is to burn at least 500 calories at each gym visit. I am also reducing my portion size but not changing the types of food I eat. I want this to be a lifestyle thing and after I lose the 15, I will more easily maintain it if I don't deprive myself during the process.
I just have to practice what I preach: Eat all of the colors of the rainbow, there are "sometimes foods" and they should ONLY be eaten sometimes.
I just need to keep my fighting face on!
I just have to practice what I preach: Eat all of the colors of the rainbow, there are "sometimes foods" and they should ONLY be eaten sometimes.
I just need to keep my fighting face on!
Friday, August 21, 2009
General Catch-up
I feel like I should blog since I haven't done so in over a week. I get this way sometimes. I wouldn't call it a funk but I just close up inside myself and don't have much to say to anyone, don't want to think about much of anything about myself, my state of mind, or my physical comfort level. Blogging forces some of that out of me and I haven't been in the mood to even think about it.
I could blame personal finance stresses - which wouldn't be enough to stress the average Joe but I worry about the slightest debt. My sensible self says to just stop spending and it will all work out since I do have an income. I know that is true and that is what I will do.
I could blame the state of the house - I never feel like I can keep up with the level of cleanliness that I so desire in my house. The dust, the laundry, the bathrooms, the floors, the laundry, the kitchen, the laundry, the laundry, the laundry, the laundry...I feel like I will never have a day where I can just say: It is done.
I could blame the heat - which is probably more to the point, really. It is HOT outside and I am disheartened by the fact that my strawberry plants have been invaded by grass and weeds but are infiltrating the other areas of the garden themselves. I am also frustrated that the caterpillars are back in full force and have eaten around all of the veins of my broccoli leaves. The plants will never catch up with the nutrients they need to create some crowns for me to eat! I am also worried about the tree in our front yard. Many of its branches are bare and I can't figure out if it is sick or also being eaten. My desire to not use chemicals makes me feel like my hands are tied.
I realized today that I never bought a park pass for this year. In years past, I had a pass by May at the latest and we went to the park almost 3 times a week! I guess my gym membership is holding us back from outdoor fun. I promised Cole that we would go to the park next week when the temperature is promising to be in the low to mid 80s - bliss. I am planning on straightening out the garden next week too which will make me feel better and want to go outside again.
Putting these issues and concerns down just gets me more frustrated. I know they don't seem like much to someone with REAL problems but to me, they mean the things that usually bring me joy are stressing me out!
I could blame personal finance stresses - which wouldn't be enough to stress the average Joe but I worry about the slightest debt. My sensible self says to just stop spending and it will all work out since I do have an income. I know that is true and that is what I will do.
I could blame the state of the house - I never feel like I can keep up with the level of cleanliness that I so desire in my house. The dust, the laundry, the bathrooms, the floors, the laundry, the kitchen, the laundry, the laundry, the laundry, the laundry...I feel like I will never have a day where I can just say: It is done.
I could blame the heat - which is probably more to the point, really. It is HOT outside and I am disheartened by the fact that my strawberry plants have been invaded by grass and weeds but are infiltrating the other areas of the garden themselves. I am also frustrated that the caterpillars are back in full force and have eaten around all of the veins of my broccoli leaves. The plants will never catch up with the nutrients they need to create some crowns for me to eat! I am also worried about the tree in our front yard. Many of its branches are bare and I can't figure out if it is sick or also being eaten. My desire to not use chemicals makes me feel like my hands are tied.
I realized today that I never bought a park pass for this year. In years past, I had a pass by May at the latest and we went to the park almost 3 times a week! I guess my gym membership is holding us back from outdoor fun. I promised Cole that we would go to the park next week when the temperature is promising to be in the low to mid 80s - bliss. I am planning on straightening out the garden next week too which will make me feel better and want to go outside again.
Putting these issues and concerns down just gets me more frustrated. I know they don't seem like much to someone with REAL problems but to me, they mean the things that usually bring me joy are stressing me out!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
What the HELL? and All dogs go to heaven
SO, We have begun our battle with adult language coming from the lips of our budding little sailor. Cole picked up - somewhere (she says with a tinge of sarcasm) - the term, "What the hell?" Now, I confess that my language isn't stellar but I have forced most adult language into my when-the-kids-aren't-around vocabulary. Occasionally, words do slip out. It happens to the best of us...well, it happens to me.
Anyway, what the hell? It comes out of his mouth a lot. He said it last night and we explained that was a mommy and daddy word and he wasn't to use it. Immediately, my mind's eye imagined him yelling this at a kid at his brand new Christian Preschool...What the hell? He said it about 4 times on the deck today. Honestly, it has just been slipping out. He has given some alternatives a road test and I think he has settled on, "What the heck?" but he goes between that, "What in the world?" and "What on Earth?". For a while, he would come to me searching for the appropriate expression and would simply ask, "Mamma, what can I say?" He also was happy to tell me that when he gets big he can say, "What the hell?" and cut paper with scissors.
After our discussion about appropriate language, we moved on to where is Nana Patty? I knew this would continue to come up because how is he to understand that she is gone forever? I told him that she was dead and she would never come back. She was in heaven and would wait for us there. When we die, we will see her again. I always end it with: it will be a long time before you see her again because you will live a very long life here with me, daddy, and your brother. He decided to finish it with, "and Sasha". Hmmm. I am never one to sugar coat things with my child. Like when he was to get a painful shot, I said, "They are going to give you a shot and it is going to hurt but it will be all better when they are done." SO, I said, "Well, Sasha is a dog and she won't live as long as we will." I knew this would open up a whole other can of worms. Sure enough, he asked, "Why?". I responded by saying that all people and animals don't live the same amount of time. I said, "A house fly only lives a few days." I knew I was well out of the woods when he then asked with wide eyes, "Can our house fly?" PHEW! Subject Change!
In the category of embarrasing stories only a mother can tell: When Cole was getting out of the tub, he was exploring his manhood and announced, "Mamma, I think I cracked my penis!" It took all I had to keep from laughing and I explained that all was fine and normal and we could move on to the next akward moment. Bring it on.
Anyway, what the hell? It comes out of his mouth a lot. He said it last night and we explained that was a mommy and daddy word and he wasn't to use it. Immediately, my mind's eye imagined him yelling this at a kid at his brand new Christian Preschool...What the hell? He said it about 4 times on the deck today. Honestly, it has just been slipping out. He has given some alternatives a road test and I think he has settled on, "What the heck?" but he goes between that, "What in the world?" and "What on Earth?". For a while, he would come to me searching for the appropriate expression and would simply ask, "Mamma, what can I say?" He also was happy to tell me that when he gets big he can say, "What the hell?" and cut paper with scissors.
After our discussion about appropriate language, we moved on to where is Nana Patty? I knew this would continue to come up because how is he to understand that she is gone forever? I told him that she was dead and she would never come back. She was in heaven and would wait for us there. When we die, we will see her again. I always end it with: it will be a long time before you see her again because you will live a very long life here with me, daddy, and your brother. He decided to finish it with, "and Sasha". Hmmm. I am never one to sugar coat things with my child. Like when he was to get a painful shot, I said, "They are going to give you a shot and it is going to hurt but it will be all better when they are done." SO, I said, "Well, Sasha is a dog and she won't live as long as we will." I knew this would open up a whole other can of worms. Sure enough, he asked, "Why?". I responded by saying that all people and animals don't live the same amount of time. I said, "A house fly only lives a few days." I knew I was well out of the woods when he then asked with wide eyes, "Can our house fly?" PHEW! Subject Change!
In the category of embarrasing stories only a mother can tell: When Cole was getting out of the tub, he was exploring his manhood and announced, "Mamma, I think I cracked my penis!" It took all I had to keep from laughing and I explained that all was fine and normal and we could move on to the next akward moment. Bring it on.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
What is present with me.
At the beginning of every call and meeting that we have at The World Benefits, we all share what is present with us. At the end of every call, we share what we are grateful for. Right now, what is present with me is the last 48 hours and the next 48 hours. I know that isn't exactly "present" since at this very moment I am sitting in a quiet rented house on Seabrook Island in South Carolina. While I listen only to the gentle hum of the refrigerator Rhys is napping, Chris and Cole are playing in the sand at the beach, and my parents are no doubt island hopping coastal SC style and plotting out the rest of the day. Bliss.
The previous 48 hours seem like such a far cry from where I am right now but the memory is clear and weighs on my mind. I packed the car on Thursday to begin our trip and Cole and Rhys took afternoon naps. Cole woke up with a croaky voice and a croup cough...sound familiar? It sounded all to familiar to me as that is exactly how Rhys started out. I debated again about ditching the trip but persevered and convinced myself that we would just handle what came up, pack the nebulizer and do our best to make them both rest.
The plan was to stop in Rocky Mount, NC for the night after about 5 hours of driving. We had to stop several times to give nebulizer treatments to Cole because he truly was struggling to breathe. We also administered Tylenol but couldn't get his fever down. After a long and stressful 5 hours, we pulled into our hotel parking lot within view of the local hospital...it was truly a sign and I read it loud and clear. As soon as we got into the room, Cole and I turned around and headed quickly to the ER...ugh.
Sure enough, he was given a shot of steroid in both legs and we walked away with a bottle of antibiotics in hand. We continued the trip yesterday and continued to worry and fret about his breathing. His chest kept caving in as he struggled with each breath and both Chris and I struggled with what to do. (meanwhile, Rhys was gracing us with the runny diapers again and required his own stops) Ultimately, we pushed on and made it to the house, meeting my parents at the gatehouse (the first thing to go perfectly right all trip). Funny how they drove from the upstate of SC and we drove from upstate NC and arrived at precisely the same time...we couldn't have planned it better!
The remainder of the day was lovely, we unpacked our cars, my parents cooked dinner, I did some light shopping at a posh grocery store on Kiawah Island, we rode the golf cart to the beach for a quick look-see, ate dinner, drank wine, and put the kids to bed (not necessarily in that order). After a good night sleep, Cole woke up breathing clearly and enjoying life again. Rhys is also doing well and we have big plans for the next 48 hours too!
Firstly: We are at the beach with my parents and children!
Secondly: My dear friend Allyson is getting married TODAY!!!
Thirdly: My parents are going to watch the boys and Chris and I are going to have an entire night away together without the children for the first time since Cole was born!!!
Fourthly: My sister, her husband, her son and his son are coming down tomorrow, Dad is cooking ribs, and we will eat birthday cake together (this is the first time I will meet my Step Nephew!)
Now, I am grateful for getting through the last 48 hours and the fact that I have so many wonderful things to look forward to in the next.
The previous 48 hours seem like such a far cry from where I am right now but the memory is clear and weighs on my mind. I packed the car on Thursday to begin our trip and Cole and Rhys took afternoon naps. Cole woke up with a croaky voice and a croup cough...sound familiar? It sounded all to familiar to me as that is exactly how Rhys started out. I debated again about ditching the trip but persevered and convinced myself that we would just handle what came up, pack the nebulizer and do our best to make them both rest.
The plan was to stop in Rocky Mount, NC for the night after about 5 hours of driving. We had to stop several times to give nebulizer treatments to Cole because he truly was struggling to breathe. We also administered Tylenol but couldn't get his fever down. After a long and stressful 5 hours, we pulled into our hotel parking lot within view of the local hospital...it was truly a sign and I read it loud and clear. As soon as we got into the room, Cole and I turned around and headed quickly to the ER...ugh.
Sure enough, he was given a shot of steroid in both legs and we walked away with a bottle of antibiotics in hand. We continued the trip yesterday and continued to worry and fret about his breathing. His chest kept caving in as he struggled with each breath and both Chris and I struggled with what to do. (meanwhile, Rhys was gracing us with the runny diapers again and required his own stops) Ultimately, we pushed on and made it to the house, meeting my parents at the gatehouse (the first thing to go perfectly right all trip). Funny how they drove from the upstate of SC and we drove from upstate NC and arrived at precisely the same time...we couldn't have planned it better!
The remainder of the day was lovely, we unpacked our cars, my parents cooked dinner, I did some light shopping at a posh grocery store on Kiawah Island, we rode the golf cart to the beach for a quick look-see, ate dinner, drank wine, and put the kids to bed (not necessarily in that order). After a good night sleep, Cole woke up breathing clearly and enjoying life again. Rhys is also doing well and we have big plans for the next 48 hours too!
Firstly: We are at the beach with my parents and children!
Secondly: My dear friend Allyson is getting married TODAY!!!
Thirdly: My parents are going to watch the boys and Chris and I are going to have an entire night away together without the children for the first time since Cole was born!!!
Fourthly: My sister, her husband, her son and his son are coming down tomorrow, Dad is cooking ribs, and we will eat birthday cake together (this is the first time I will meet my Step Nephew!)
Now, I am grateful for getting through the last 48 hours and the fact that I have so many wonderful things to look forward to in the next.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Happy Birthday to me
Today is my 35th birthday and I am happy. That is basically it. I am happy to be the mother of 2, happy that Rhys is starting to feel better, happy that I have a loving husband and father of my children, happy that I have a life full of friends who genuinely care about me, happy to have a wonderful immediate and extended family, and happy that I am healthy.
Thanks to everyone who nurtured me and cared for me so that I made it this far. Here's to another 35!
Thanks to everyone who nurtured me and cared for me so that I made it this far. Here's to another 35!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
P's for Pneumonia, Pterodactyl, and Psychosis
If you are not familiar with the CD Snacktime by The Barenaked Ladies, you may not get the title of this but I have been singing this part of the Crazy ABC Song since last night and not for a good reason. On Thursday, I took Rhys to the doctor to address his digestive issues (as a result, he is on a restricted diet: no dairy, wheat, nuts, or seafood) and while there, the doctor noticed that he had some inflammation of his vocal chords - called stridor and gave me a prescription to get filled if he has a fever or gets worse. Sure enough, on Friday afternoon he had a fever. Chris got the prescription filled and we started him on it on Friday evening.
Yesterday evening, his chest rattled when he took breaths so I gave him a nebulizer treatment and intended to hand him off to Chris in the shower so he could benefit from the steam too. Before I could even get him to the shower, I paged his doctor because he sounded like Darth Vader and was laboring to take breaths. The Dr. returned the page right away and told us to come to the ER (he was at the hospital on his rotation already).
Rhys had a lengthy neb treatment, some ibuprofen to get his 102 fever down and a steroid to help improve his breathing. They took chest x-rays and found that he has the first signs of pneumonia. If you had seen him running around a mere hour earlier, you would have never guessed. After all of the treatments and medications, he was good enough to come home and we went to his room every time he coughed. He is better today and I am glad for it. We are all tired and getting some rest in and will do so for the next couple of days. His antibiotics run out on Tuesday and I have all confidence that he will be back to his normal self by Wednesday - the best birthday present I can ask for.
Yesterday evening, his chest rattled when he took breaths so I gave him a nebulizer treatment and intended to hand him off to Chris in the shower so he could benefit from the steam too. Before I could even get him to the shower, I paged his doctor because he sounded like Darth Vader and was laboring to take breaths. The Dr. returned the page right away and told us to come to the ER (he was at the hospital on his rotation already).
Rhys had a lengthy neb treatment, some ibuprofen to get his 102 fever down and a steroid to help improve his breathing. They took chest x-rays and found that he has the first signs of pneumonia. If you had seen him running around a mere hour earlier, you would have never guessed. After all of the treatments and medications, he was good enough to come home and we went to his room every time he coughed. He is better today and I am glad for it. We are all tired and getting some rest in and will do so for the next couple of days. His antibiotics run out on Tuesday and I have all confidence that he will be back to his normal self by Wednesday - the best birthday present I can ask for.
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