Well, I am fully back on my medication. I tried to go without it but found that I was losing control. Small irritations would become intolerable and I would feel actual rage building inside me. That is NO GOOD when I am dealing with a 3 year old and a 10 month old. Anyway, it has taken the two weeks to get back into my system so over the past week, I have been a hermit. I have suffered under a self-imposed restriction and after a brief outing on Monday, I haven't left the neighborhood all week - until last night. I have told Chris all week that I am in a funk. Last night he suggested that we go out to eat and it was really the cure for me.
I realized that, partly because of my emotional state, and partly because I really just haven't felt like taking the risk, I am fearful of taking the boys out alone because of what happened last week (the peeing, bleeding, etc.) I just prefer to stay at home. Also, this week, Rhys has been teething something rotten and has been clinging to me like crazy. All of the clinging was wearing me down and I wasn't getting anything done - nor did I really have the motivation to do anything - so I was drowning in the angst and tension that I had created under this roof.
Every night I would set out my workout clothes for the following morning and every morning, I would kick them into the floor in favor of another 20 minutes of sleep.
I am pleased to report that I was out this morning and walked for a mile and a half. I feel like I turned a corner because I also completed a project that has been lingering for over 2 months...sorry, Kate. Also, thank you, Kate, for giving my day purpose and allowing me to produce something other than a pile of dirty laundry.
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I also have woken up on the wrong side of the bed every morning all week. Inescapable. When I finally get a breathe of normalcy, I somehow end up feeling cranky again. Cassie is teething like crazy and she just buries her head into my chest and whines and I can't get anything done and Jillian has more energy than me. So I totally understand. I keep thinking "maybe tomorrow this will all be better" and I link it all around Cassie's crying which leads to my tension which leads to...
Cassie and Rhys will be over this soon and we'll be back on the road to sanity. Possibly in unison again! Hang in there!
Sometimes, I honestly think that it is a blessing to get out of the house. Even with the fear of how it will go, it just really helps me to break the cycle to get out or have someone come over. Any time you need to visit, please ask. I've been there.
Hey sweetie. Any time you need a break, you can always call. You guys can come over in your pjs and unload your worries. ;-) We've all been there.
So proud of you for getting up and going out walking again. I just started back to the gym this weekend, and I think working out, and just spending time on ourselves, really helps.
Sorry Rhys is teething. I know a clingy crying baby is so hard to take hour after hour. Hoping he pulls through this soon.
Glad to hear the meds are back in full force and you're feeling the calm again. Hang in there, it'll get better!
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