Vandals, the lot of them

Both of my boys are vandals. Rhys is lovingly referred to as the Rhys Bomb. He goes off everywhere. Cole likes to pull out his toys and play "trash man". In this game, he dumps *ALL* of his toys in the middle of the floor and loads them into a dump truck...fun! Rhys opens drawers and empties their contents on the floor and moves on to the shelves and cabinets that he can access. This morning, Cole said as he left the breakfast table, "One more thing, mama. When I break this table, it will fall into pieces!" He wasn't malicious, just matter-of-fact.

Check from the neck up...

I have a beloved ex-boss who would use the term taking a check from the neck up when he referred to employees and their commitment to the job. He said this a lot since we worked in HR and would deal with employees of varying levels of job satisfaction. I find that I do this periodically in regard to the various roles I play.

I recently did a check from the neck up to determine my level of commitment with my MOMS Club. I love, love, love MOMS Club and want to do more with my children at activities but don't want to hold any position of responsibility anymore. I am a volunteer addict and am sure that this will be a challenge but I am looking forward to just participating and not having deadlines to meet with the club.

I also have done a check from the neck up with regard to house work and determined that my disdain lies in the clutter so I started cleaning out and making free space in drawers, cabinets, and closets. It makes me feel free to open a closet door and see space.

I love my work with The World Benefits and hope that something breaks through with that soon because I am eager to hit the ground running now. I feel a bit like a rubber band on a sling shot. I have been extended and am just ready for someone to release me so I can put this energy to work.

I also am eager for the frost to thaw permanently in our region so I can be comfortable releasing my baby plants into the wild of my yard. I am also looking forward to doing yard work, gardening, and the tending of my crops. This summer will be filled with fresh local veggies and home made bread. I am making fresh bread almost daily now and my CSA will start harvesting in about a month! These things make me happy. They bring me joy. Smelling yeast proof and the warmth of the kitchen as the aroma of freshly baked bread fills the space makes my soul full.

I am reading Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert and in the memoir, she goes on a journey to Italy to eat, India to pray, and I can only assume that she falls in love in Indonesia since I am only at the part where she gets to the Ashram in India. While in Italy, she gained over 20 pounds in about 15 weeks of just eating whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. Having just survived a terrible divorce, she was under weight when she started so this pilgrimage of pleasure got her back on her feet. She found something to make her happy. Something that could pull her out of her depression. She says that when she found that something, she hung on tight to it until it pulled her out of the depression pit face first. I understand what she is saying.

It has been raining here for the past couple of days and in my check from the neck up this morning, I realized that I was happy for the rain. All of my friends complain about it, but for me, it justified my staying inside. I was so glad to have two steady days of nothing but rain. I had some obligations yesterday that took me out of the house but had it not been for those, I would have happily remained locked behind closed doors with nothing making me feel guilty for doing so. On sunny days, I feel guilty for staying inside even though I want to do nothing but that.

Fortunately for me, the things that I love to do are most appropriate on sunny days and I will cling tightly to them...gardening, walking, picnics. I am going to start on a regular walking schedule again and begin gardening as soon as possible. Bring on springtime...I need to get out of this house. I will embrace the things that make me happy and I will cling to them until they pull me completely out of the pit face first, dirt covered, to bask in the sun.

Thank You Easter Bunny!

I am really tired tonight but didn't want any more time to pass before I wrote about our Easter. We dyed Easter Eggs on Saturday and baked a birthday cake for Chris (happy 35th, my love). On Sunday morning, after Cole pondered his riches from the Easter Bunny, we went on a picnic, egg hunt and hike at Gunpowder Falls State Park north of the city. It was fun and tiring. When we got home, I cooked fried chicken and we had leftover birthday cake.

The Easter Bunny came for Cole and Rhys. He mostly brought toys since I asked specifically for little to no candy this year. Cole was really excited and up before 7 asking about his basket. I was really tired and didn't feel very well but got up with him so Chris could catch a little more sleep. Chris took Cole to McDonalds to get breakfast for us while I called my sisters to wish them a happy Easter.

After Rhys had his morning nap, I packed a lunch for us and we headed out for our picnic and hike. We ended up hiking for about 4 miles. It was pretty peaceful with the exception of Cole's murderous stomping of insect life and constant complaining of being thirsty. I carried him for about half of the time off an on and Chris had Rhys in the backpack carrier. Sasha was happy to be along for the walk too.

It was a great day and I managed to explain the resurrection to Cole without totally freaking him out and confusing him. Hopefully, we will have a church home soon.

The Rhino Enclosure

Researchers say that one of the best senses used to retrieve memories is the sense of smell. Put on the perfume that you wore on that first date and the memories come flooding back. I had a similar experience this morning...

We have a friend who is a volunteer zoo keeper at the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore. She spends every Saturday morning with the Giraffes, mucking out their enclosures and caring for them and the Okapi. Several years ago, she graciously offered to take a group of friends on a behind the scenes tour of the zoo before opening time. We actually were lucky enough to have gone the two times that she did it. The first time we went, we got a tour of the Rhino House.

When you walk into this cement block-walled building, the odor knocks you in the face all the way to your toes. It can only be described as foul. The zoo keepers suggested that we take three deep breaths to help us adjust. It helped but you never escaped the smell. It is the kind of odor that clings to every soft surface and would force a bottle of Febreeze to its knees in submission.

I was instantly reminded of the images of that giant Rhino behind the thick metal gates this morning when I went into the nursery of my 1 year old. It hit me when I walked into the room and I reminisced about the zoo trip throughout the diaper changing, 20 wipe using, complete undressing episode. In my mind, I traveled from one enclosure to another trying to decide which zoo animal had infiltrated the usually pleasant room occupied by my second-born son. It was definitely the Rhino.

Just another manic Monday

Actually, I try to make Mondays not be so manic. After a whirlwind weekend, Monday is the day to get the house back in order and generally reset myself. I do have some errands to run. I need to go to the post office to mail a couple of things. I found a Navy football ring at the diner on Saturday and am mailing it to the coach at the Naval Academy so it can be returned to its rightful owner. I also need to drop some things off at the cleaners.

We had a full and productive weekend. I was up and at 'em on Saturday and drug the family to the Farmer's market in Annapolis. It is the first market to open and Saturday was opening day. We rolled into the parking lot by 7:30am. I bought some cookies, a cup of coffee, and some scones for Chris and I and we went through the market pretty quickly.

I now know that I will buy some plants in a few weeks. I think I will get my herbs from there. I just didn't have a need to pick up plants that can't go in the ground just yet and I didn't need any kale, collards, chard or lettuce. I knew that would be all there was but I still wanted to go. Afterwards, we went for breakfast at a diner and stopped off at The Home Depot on our way home. Meanwhile, it was just after 9am when we rolled into The Home Depot. What a morning! I bought some potting soil and containers because my baby plants are practically root bound and in desperate need of room to grow.

When we got home, Chris took Cole to his office to turn in his expenses and I stayed here so Rhys could nap and I could transplant my baby plants. The weather was so beautiful, I really didn't want to do anything inside. I bought a bread maker from someone on craigslist so after lunch, we drove up to Towson to pick it up and while we were there, we went to a nice grocery store called Wegmans. If you have never been to one, I highly recommend it. We have been a few times before but since we were in the area, we wanted to go again. Chris picked out some gourmet snacks for an indoor evening picnic to accompany some Slumdog Millionaire viewing and I bought all of my bread-making supplies.

Now, I have to mention the state of the bread maker and the comedy that is involved. I paid $10 for it...I didn't expect it to be in pristine condition. Well, it works fine and was in need of a good scrubdown. I find humor in situations in which a stereotype is played out. The previous owner, named Sanjay, is Indian. The breadmaker was covered in a film that emmitted a strong curry smell. I love curry...I don't love stale curry film on a bread machine. I am still struggling to get the last of the odor out of the vents and the more I use it, the less I will be able to smell it - fingers crossed. I have made two loaves already and am really happy with the results (the bread doesn't taste of curry at all, thankfully).

I made French Toast with it for Chris and I yesterday morning. After breakfast, I sat outside and read for a while and Chris took Cole to the store with him. When Rhys woke up from his nap, he and I had a picnic on the lawn. After lunch and the return of the big boys, the kids and I had an afternoon nap. When everyone woke up, we went to dinner at Cantler's Riverside Inn. I had seafood, Cole had pizza, and Chris had a cheesesteak sandwich. It was fun and felt like a vacation. The weather was beautiful all day and I actually ended up with a bit of a farmer's tan from my time out reading.

Keeping it together

Keeping it together is a phrase that people use to describe maintaining some sense of control over a situation or their own life. I completely understand the reason to say this. Sometimes I feel like my life is a woven tapestry and all of my experiences are different lines or weaves or whatever the term is for a stitch in a tapestry. The world around me influences my reactions and thus impacts my ability to weave a tight line. As I start to lose control, my tapestry starts to unravel and I can't keep it together. A little hole here, a pulled thread there, and the whole thing loses its structure and my life starts to fall apart - or so it seems. When you are in the heat of a moment of frustration because of a loss of control, you do feel like your very existence is threatened.

I felt it unraveling this morning while trying to teach Cole to work independently on a puzzle. I got him started and patiently showed him the concept, explaining that he will just need to turn each piece to see which ones fit. Honestly, if I heard him say, "but you have to help me." once, I heard it 100 times. I don't mind doing puzzles with him but what happens is that I end up doing it and I really wasn't in a puzzle mood this morning. He is old enough to do it alone and only will be successful if he tries and sticks to it. If he wanted to do it badly enough, he would have.

What he really wanted was attention and I would have happily done something else with him but he wanted it his way. I stuck to my guns and am sure that some people think that I should have just put the puzzle together with/for him but the purpose was for him to work it out on his own. He did finally place the last couple of pieces. I told him to take it apart and do it again so that he could get the practice. He took it apart and then insisted once again that I had to help him. That is when I put it away and he took himself off to his room, slamming the door in the process.

We had a nice lunch with him quietly sitting at the table awaiting his meal with his brother. I told him that we were going to press the invisible reset button and explained what that means. So far, we are doing much better. I do hope that we both gain patience as we go along. I know that my long days are starting to wear on me. I shouldn't be having such trouble but I am. I miss Chris and so do the boys. Cole cried for him while he was in timeout and then cried, "Daddy is at work.

I am not complaining, just acknowledging that I am having a harder time coping with balancing all of the responsibilities than I expected. This is life now and we will eventually fall into a groove that is acceptable. Right now, I am just keeping it together.

So much to write...so little time

Regularly, I get inspiration and think: I will write that in my blog! When the time comes, something else has happened and I end up writing about the more recent event rather than the concept or idea that had inspired me to begin formulating prose to illustrate the feeling or opinion.

Yesterday, I took the boys to the mall so Cole could have some play time. He has started joining "gangs" of little boys and they chase each other around and Cole, bless him, is such a follower. I had eloquently described the scene in my mind. The foam filled plastic sculptures with their airbrushed designs were the perches from which the boys leapt like monkeys. Beating their chests and emitting Tarzan-like calls from their little mouths; they had created their own little jungle scene right there, in the middle of the mall.

I do this ALL of the time. Today my baby turns 1. I woke up this morning thinking that I would retell the story of his birth on my blog. Now, I find that a summary will suffice.

We were told on a Friday that labor would be induced on Monday evening if the amnio showed that the baby's lungs were developed. We called my parents so they would know to pack and come. This was a full three weeks before my due date. Chris stayed up until midnight that night readying the nursery and house. I think he laundered everything that could fit into the washing machine that night.

We spent the weekend buying last-minute things and stocking up the kitchen for post-delivery food rations. Mom and Dad arrived on Sunday and Chris and I went to the hospital for the amnion on Monday. As an aside...that hurt like a bastard. The amnio showed that Rhys' lungs were developed and we got the green light for induction.

We headed home and waited until our appointment time for admittance (5:00pm). After I got admitted and settled in with the iv and Cervidil, Chris went to McDonalds and got us dinner. I was told that only 10 percent of women go into labor with the Cervidil...well, I am one of those. Chris had not planned on staying the night but I started having severe labor pains and my body purged everything by midnight. I was terribly uncomfortable so the nurse gave me a pain killer that knocked me out. Bless the man who made the drugs.

Morning came and all was great in the world. I wasn't allowed breakfast but did get a shower and was able to freshen up...bless the man who made the shower. I labored all morning and got an epidural around mid-morning. I was ready to push just before 2 and shortly thereafter, Rhys entered this world. At 2:18 (Cole was born on 2/18). It has been a year and he has been a joy every minute. I am so blessed to be his mother. I hope he feels as blessed to be my child.