Today has been a bad day in the House of Harding. It started as early as a day can start when Chris got home at 1am. He went to see Oasis last night and when he got home, I woke up. I managed to get back to sleep but was awakened by Cole at 3:30 wanting to snuggle. I took him back to his room (very aware that Chris had only gotten to bed 90 minutes before this visit). I snuggled with him in his bed for about 5 minutes and then went back to my own. I managed to get back to sleep again only to be awakened once more at 4:15 by Cole, once again wanting to snuggle. I sent him to his room and told him that he needed to get back in the bed. He SLAMMED his door. I was infuriated.
Meanwhile, Rhys had been asleep since 8 without a peep. This, one of the rare nights that the baby sleeps through the night, was turning out to be one of my most restless nights in months! I went to Cole's room and told him that he would be punished later for slamming the door and explained that it was very naughty and wasn't going to be overlooked (as his punishment, we decided to turn his doorknob around so we can lock it from the outside). At that point, my blood was boiling and I decided to read a little before I went back to sleep. I managed to drift off around 5 and then, Rhys woke up at 6. I nursed him and went back to bed until 7 when he was really ready to get up.
I was extremely irritated and wanted nothing but a quiet time to just stare at the walls while the baby rolled around and played. Unfortunately, Cole followed us down stairs and all I could hear was a flood of words flowing forth at such speed that I was unable to cope. That is when the yelling started. Honestly, I am ashamed to say, I yelled all day. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. He had me right where he wanted me and I fell into his trap of attention ALL DAY. It was horrible and I reacted un-intelligently, emotionally and irrationally to every little misstep with equal enthusiasm as I did the more severe infractions. I am not proud of this. I am disappointed in myself. I could see myself outside of myself and the name I gave that person was Old Yeller. Well, I am ready to put Old Yeller out of her misery myself.
The lucky thing is that we get to go to bed and start over tomorrow. In the DVD of Cole's life, today won't even make the "bonus features" menu. I am glad for that. We will get back in control tomorrow as parents. I will plan on doing something fun with the boys to occupy their minds and energy. 'Tis the season for love, selflessness, forgiveness, etc. I will pray for patience during the coming week and hope that I am better able to control my reactions. I realized long ago that my reaction is the only thing I truly have control over and I need to be more conscientious of that.
I see new rules and consistent enforcement in Cole's future. He is getting so independent and we need to re-establish the boundaries so he can confidently move about his day understanding our expectations and rising to the challenges that he is facing. Every developmental phase is so challenging and when our oldest isn't quite 3, I still feel like a first-time parent.
2 comments:
I know what you feel like! We've had those days too, and have worked through them and moved on, but they are still no fun while they are going on.
You are not alone! I often wonder why I allow myself to lose control of the situation. Big Hugs!
Post a Comment